new new yorker.

changing skylines.

I must say, when I first moved back home it was rough. I was broken, bruised and doing something I never thought I'd do; move back home. I returned to the comfort I had worked so hard to live without.

I was really down during my first weeks here. Trying to be happy with the change and embrace it in a positive way. But still, I would cry all the time. Terribly unhappy. Then I began to just take it for what it was. Sure, it felt like a step back in life. I moved back home, got a job at Starbucks. The only thing I had to show (not that I don't love working at Starbucks) was my internship. So I accepted it. Made it my life and enjoyed it as much as I could. I was reunited with so much love from people who genuinely care about me.

It revived me.

I feel refreshed and ready to move on. I've been bandaged and I'm back on my feet.

Now to move on.

New York: June 16, 2010.

.

my-amah.

some photos i've taken since my return to miami.

enjoy!

:)

ground play.

past pending.

It's impossible to run away from the past, I've decided. You can change skylines and your way of living completely and still be haunted by the past on a daily basis; on an hourly basis, for that matter. I recently changed my life almost entirely. I moved back home, leaving behind my friends, roommates and other relationships. I left behind the life I was accustomed to and fond of.

I jumped ships. Now on this new vessel, I can't help but think about my old shipmates and miss the comfortable, familiar cabin I used to call home.

Changing all those things just made the past more present. I am unable to allow myself to enjoy this transition because running from the situation was not the answer. I tried to escape the emotions and issues, I believed the absence would help me forget.

But I have done the opposite of forget.

I think about it constantly, replaying the past and creating the future in my head.

This move was pointless, but necessary.

I keep hearing a voice telling me the all annoying "everything happens for a reason." And it's true.

So now what? I made the move, so I have to make the transition internally as well. I will never forget my life in Gainesville and all my experiences, but it's time to move on. Time to let go. Time to grow up.

I had overstayed my welcome.

.

On a similar, yet side, note of pasts lingering, I went to the library in my hometown trying to entertain/distract myself. I signed up for a library card, thinking I wasn't on file, only to find out that I already had an account and fines to go with it. The teenager Marcella was reminding the present Marcella she existed.